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Translating souls by BailTheSociety

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Submitted on
July 16


13 (who?)
This cant be possible... It just can't
Careful now you may drift further into insanity

You aren't real!
Am I?

I know you aren't, just a god damn voice in my head
But didn't I tell you already, we are the same

That is not true and I do not tolerate ludicrous statements!
Then explain what this is right now?

What do you mean?
I think you already know the answer

No I don't, really I have no clue
Are you sure?

I am quite positive almost certain
You do realize what you are doing now right?

What are you talking about!
Look at yourself

Ok... What am I suppose to see
Another person

...Wait... No, No, Nooo!
What do you see Thomas

And who else?

No one just...
You continue to believe what you already know is the truth repelling the memories of last week over and over. Then it happened again, the flash of the fateful week slams into your mind like a brick wall and you begin to lose your sanity one day at a time...
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What a piece! I was hanging on to every word until the very end, trying to understand what this "voice in my head" really was. I loved the buildup to the very last word, it kept me on the edge of my seat and gave me a shock when I reached the finish.

Even though others may not agree, I feel that this piece provides much more imagery than most of your other ones. In other pieces, you described the scene very accurately and painted the picture for the reader. In this, you stepped back a little and let the reader paint the picture, let them see themselves in the mirror instead of describing who was standing in front of said mirror. When I read "drift further into insanity," I saw myself falling into a black pit, and I just kept falling down. When you wrote, "No one, just... Me," I saw myself in front of a mirror with a shadowy outline of me in the mirror. Maybe that is what other people will see, or maybe they'll have their own way to display their thoughts when they read these words.

Wording. It was very, very nice. "Ludicrous" caught my attention the most, it's a descriptive word and it was well used, if you're trying to provide a strong emotion in the reader then I say keep using big words like that.

The emotions I felt were anger, shock, and horror, which are all obvious in this piece. You're supposed to be angry at the voice for insisting it's right, you're supposed to feel shocked as horrified when you realize the person in the mirror and the voice in your head are one and the same. I liked how you made it obvious that the reader was supposed to feel that way, but didn't use the words "angry" or "shocked." That would have ruined the mood a little.

The only thing I will say that I didn't like as much was the name. "Thomas." I don't know who you are writing for, was it meant for the general audience, or for a specific person named Thomas? If you intend to write pieces for a general reader and want to leave the imagery up to their imagination, then I wouldn't put a name in the piece. If you want to write it for a specific person, then the name is fine.

All in all, very nice job, I'll be looking forward to whatever you release next!!
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2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

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SonJessica Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow...truly powerful stuff here
CuriouslyAlone Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014
thank you ^_^
SonJessica Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
No problem! It kinda felt like I was watching a short film.
CuriouslyAlone Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014
Oh wow :blush: that is very nice of you to say! :D
SonJessica Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It's true though. It felt like there was a voice in my head
CuriouslyAlone Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014
Well I very much appreciate that :3
SonJessica Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You are welcome my fellow writer
Likoro Featured By Owner Edited Jul 17, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
so that means there are 2 in one?...or maybe that is just for the insane....but then again a sane person could still have an inside voice....which is the other him....and.....UGH this is playing with my head X_X
CuriouslyAlone Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014
Don't think about it to hard Likoro or else.... you might go INSANE hahaha :P
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